Fun with words

As a fellow writer, I thought you would enjoy these. I wish I had written them, but, alas, they arrived in an email. Kudos to the author!

  • Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
  • One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
  • Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  • If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
  • The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
  • I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
  • What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  • Is there another word for synonym?
  • If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  • If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  • One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.
  • Does the Little Mermaid wear an algaebra?
  • Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  • Is it possible to have a Civil War?
  • If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
  • If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
  • If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
  • Why are hemorrhoids call “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?
  • Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
  • Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
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