Actual headlines (I kid you not):

— Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
— Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
— Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
— Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
— Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
— Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus?
— Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
— Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
— British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands
— Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
— Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead
— Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
— Miners Refuse To Work After Death
— Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
— Stolen Painting Found By Tree
— Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Line
— War Dims Hope For Peace
— If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last A While
— Couple Slain, Police Suspect Homicide
— Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
— New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
— Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Space
— Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
— Local High School Drop-outs Cut In Half
— Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Books on how to make it as a writer are a dime or dozen. Peter Bowerman’s Well-Fed Writer series isn’t part of that dozen.

What I really like about Bowerman’s books is how deep and wide they go. They not only give you a sense of how things are done but detailed instructions for how to do them. Plus he’s opinionated. He gives lots of pros and cons and buyer-bewares. All you have to do is read Chapter 12 of Well-fed Self-publisher and you’ll know what I mean: “Print-on-demand (POD): Dream or Disappointment.”

BTW, Bowerman’s given me permission to reprint the chapter, so keep checking at the Self-publishing articles page at WriteDirections.com. It will be posted soon, probably in sections. In the meantime, you can read Bowerman’s article on whether or not we can trust book reviews, testimonials and Amazon rankings.

Do not be afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.
— William James

Do not be afraid of writing either … or becoming a writer. It is the belief that you can — indeed will — write, coupled with the act of writing itself, that creates the “fact,” creates the reality.

You have to write a great opening if you are to draw readers into your books. The process begins with your very first sentence. You’ve got to nail it, but if you do not, don’t despair. Your sentence may be so bad it may actually win an award.

Painfully bad opening sentences are encouraged when you enter San Jose CA) State University’s annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. ($250 prize; imaginary novels only.)

The contest was named after author Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton. Although you may not be familiar with his work, you most likely are familiar with the opening line of his 1830 novel, Paul Clifford: “It was a dark and stormy night.”

This year’s winner was Garrison Spik, a communications director and writer in the State of Washington. Here’s his entry:

“Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped ‘Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J.”‘

Other noteworthy submissions to inspire you:

“‘Toads of glory, slugs of joy,’ sang Groin the dwarf as he trotted jovially down the path before a great dragon ate him because the author knew that this story was a train wreck after he typed the first few words.”
—Alex Hall of Colorado

“Like a mechanic who forgets to wipe his hands on a shop rag and then goes home, hugs his wife, and gets a grease stain on her favorite sweater — love touches you, and marks you forever.”
—Beth Fand Incollingo of New Jersey

Kinda makes you jealous, eh?

On WriteDirections.com, I’ve just posted an article by Peter Bowerman, who is the author of Well-fed Writer, The Well-fed Writer: Back for Seconds and — my favorite — Well-fed Self-publisher.

It’s an important article — read it!

The piece deals with truth in advertising, more specifically, truth in book reviews, book jacket covers and Amazon rankings. Unfortunately, truth isn’t always easy to find.

In his piece, Peter discusses how some writers try to get people who haven’t read their books to write positive Amazon reviews and/or glowing book jacket testimonials. He gets such requests often; they’re not only inappropriate but also wrong.

“Sure,” Peter says, “I understand that few people will [actually] read a review copy cover to cover, and that’s fine. But shouldn’t we start from the assumption that they will, and work toward a middle position? As opposed to starting from the other end, as these folks have (i.e., that no one will)? The unspoken nudge-nudge, wink-wink message in all this, of course, is ‘Fellow Author, wouldn’t you like to get your name, book title, and Web site in print in my book?’ Just a friendly quid pro quo. To paraphrase Tina Turner, “What’s truth got to do with it?”

What these authors are trying to do, he says, is delude themselves and others into thinking they’ve written a good book. Depressing as this may be, he takes comfort in this: Mediocre books have short lifespans.

“They’ll never benefit from the invaluable word-of-mouth publicity that accrues to truly solid titles, never earn heartfelt kudos from those whose words really matter, never hope to garner serious industry recognition.”

So, do yourself a favor, he says: “If you’re looking for long-term success, start with a really good book. You’ll dramatically simplify your marketing tasks while eliminating the need to prop up a title that can’t stand on its own. And you’ll sleep better at night.”

Pleasant dreams.